MOTHER EFFING SQUIRRELS By Ruby The Dog

POSTED ON March 31, 2019 BY Christina Bauer IN Christina, New Releases

MOTHER EFFING SQUIRRELS
by Ruby the Dog

I see you out there
Going through my human’s trash
Mother. Effing. Squirrels.
You are fat. Smelly. And not too afraid of me.
YET.

This is my yard, you furry little fools,
And although I’m terrified of garbage bags, plastic dogs, Christmas tree lights and statues of Jesus,
I am not afraid of you,
MOTHER. EFFING. SQUIRRELS.

Hear my roar-like bark through the window-thingy at the bottom of this door!
Any moment now, I shall break free from my human’s den, race onto the lawn, and then?
PAYBACK.

Ah, HA!
The woman-human let me out and now I chase thee with abandon
Bark! Bark! Bark! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr-OWL!
Fear me, for I am doggie-death!
Leave my lawn now or I shall…

Hey, did that woman-human drop half a french fry here last week?
Oh yeah, she did.
Cool.
Nom Nom Nom.
DAMN, that was good.
Maybe she dropped some more nearby.
Better sniff around.

Oh.
Hey, squirrels.
You’re still here.
Whatever.

Because MOTHER EFFING FRENCH FRIES!

Written by

cbauer
Christina Bauer thinks that fantasy books are like bacon: they just make life better. All of which is why she writes romance novels that feature demons, witches, dragons, and other random stuff that she brainstorms while riding the Boston T. Christina lives in Newton, MA along with her husband, son, and semi-insane golden retriever, Ruby. Get a FREE copy of Christina's novella, BEVERLY HILLS VAMPIRE, when you sign up for her personal newsletter: https://tinyurl.com/bauersbooks ***Not available in stores***

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